so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
