Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
