is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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