i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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