i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
