Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
