You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
false alarm, still single
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
