remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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