ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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