She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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