dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
