you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
