So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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