Need sex. Gaining weight.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
