How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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