pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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