She said her name was "party"
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
