theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
