my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
