I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
