he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
