Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
