We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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