my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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