did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
