i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
