he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
