I wanna bring you to show and tell
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Do vagina's smell?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
