Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
only if we run a train.
done.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
