I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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