Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
