Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
