Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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