does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Welp...herpes.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
