wanna go halves on a baby?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
