i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
