Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
