Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
