So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
