I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
