Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
