Im at strip club and am horny
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
