yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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