Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
