we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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