I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
