I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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