Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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