i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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