I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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